Fine, here's my 16 week photo already!

Week 15

Week 16

Yes, yes... I pretty much look exactly the same every week.

This is really OK.



Life Update:

• Amanda is due any day now.
• Jodi is preggo with IDENTICAL twins (due: beginning of Feb '08).
• Amy is now pregnant & due March 20-something.
• Kylie is NOT PREGNANT.
• Burt....don't even think about it.
• our house has not yet sold, although people still look at it once a week or two.
• Blaine is back from his trip to St. Louis for business.
• The kids in Soledad go back to school in 3 weeks :)
• Maybe then I will have some time to post on this blog more often (or anything else for that matter).

I might as well just get something off my chest. It is not as though anyone reads this thing anyhow... this thing is definitely more like therapy for me.

I digress.

My sister Amy did not call me back 2 months ago when I left her a message that I am pregnant. She did not call me to announce her pregnancy on Friday. She hates me. She writes me hate letters. She actually wrote a compare and contrast essay about me & the devil in high school... and kept it. She acuses me of not being compassionate. She highlights only my flaws of bluntness and brutal honesty. She hates me. She will not respond to my repeated attempts at amendment. Did I mention that she hates me?

I have a real hard time with this. Some people in my life tell me that I should write her off. They say that there are toxic people out there that only wish to accuse and never take any blame in a situation. They say that move on with my life as though I have only 3 sisters. I just can't.

In the meantime, I hurt. I know this is her plan. She wants me to hurt as much as my blunt words have hurt her in the past.

It is working.

I hurt.

I am sorry. I have tried to work on my compassion. I am definitely a better person than I was 10 years ago when I lived with her last. I am a better person than 6 years ago when I last lived in the same state as her. I am a better person still than I was last year when I told her the truth instead of offering a symathetic ear.

And yet she lives her life each day winning the battle of whom is hurting who. She intentionally doles out this painful hatred.

I wish I could say I am above it and it does not effect me.

But it does.

I know we will never be best friends. I know I will never be the kind of person who responds to the fishing-for-a-compliment complaint of "I'm fat" with a kindly "oh, no, you are very thin". I am more likely to say "then stop eating so much". I won't be able to change completely, but I can learn to keep my mouth shut (then why did I type this long blog post?).

I'm still a work in progress...