WHAT NOT TO DO, or HOW TO MAKE A PREGNANT LADY ALMOST PASS OUT

Heat wave in Salinas.


Great time to spend all day baking, right?


WRONG.


Regardless, here is what I did yesterday.



1. BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

a. Bake it, scoop it, blend it.

b. Plop it, Stir it.

c. Cream it.

d. Season it.

e. Taste it. LOVE it!

2. TURKEY MEATBALLS

a. Gather it, measure it.

b. Mix it.

c. Scoop it, Brown it.

d. smell it. drool on it.

e. bake it. EAT it!

3. WHITE CHOCOLATE & CRANBERRY SCONES

a. measure it. mix it.

b. pat it. slice it.

c. butter it. sugar it.

d. bake it. DEVOUR it!

In need of exercise,

And a nap,

Love,
Stacey

my greatest fear

I almost don't want to write about it.


It makes me afraid that it might come true.


But it has been on my mind, and in order to get it out - I must get it out of my mind and mouth by discussing it with the masses. Or at least the very small mass of people that will read this blog.



Sunday I spoke with a woman who somehow mentioned to me that her dad died when she was 6 weeks old, her mom remarried a year or so later, and since she never really knew her dad - her step-dad is who she is referring to when she says "dad".


I almost broke down crying right then.


Here are my thoughts in order:


1. My dad. Jane will not remember him. Kid #2 will have zero experiences with him. It made me think of the other day when Jane told me over breakfast that she had "one papa, two grandmas, one doggie, and one Ashley" (her babysitter). I reminded her of Grandpa Jim, and she looked at me like I was nuts. I think she only knows him as this bearded character who flies helicopters in her helicopter movie.


2. This is really my greatest fear: me dying. Me, dead, and my kid(s) being raised with no memory of me. No knowledge of how much I loved them. No recollection of the sound of my voice.

(I am taking a little break to cry a little)


Really, this is silly. Silly to live in fear.


Really, this is selfish. Selfish to think that I am so important.


Really, this is prideful. Pride in my super good job I'm doing as a parent.



But I am truly fearful, I am truly important, and I am truly proud of the job I'm doing as a parent. Mostly though, I would be so sad for my kid(s) to not know me, my love, my desire to see them grow and improve and become excellently contributing citizens.



Aren't we all doing what we think is best? Don't we all want our kids to be raised with our own values and ideals? Do you think someone else would do that for your child(ren)?


All I can think of is Jane calling some other chick "mom" at her college graduation. Some woman who I don't know, and won't do things MY way, and couldn't love my Jane possibly as much as I do.


Why am I making myself cry like this?


Last night I mentioned this to Blaine, and he said "why would I care what happens, I'll be dead" ? Perfectly reasonable question. But reasonable is not what this feeling is. It is torture, and dread, and fearful.


So I cried myself silently to sleep - telling myself that I will just write it all down here to get it off my chest. However, now I feel heavier.

Deep breath.



Sorry for being so depressing. Just trying to help myself!


This is why I scrapbook. To tell the stories that no one can tell for/about me. So that's good.



Sadly,
Stacey

Barefoot, Pregnant, in the Kitchen

Hilariously, I just noted this state of affairs this morning.
So classic.
So classy.


Who knew my life would end up like this?


Let's dissect:


BAREFOOT:
not really surprising. Given my penchant for flip-flips, my history of teaching/coaching/managing around a swimming pool, and always being in trouble as a kid for not wearing my slippers in the house (my mom's steadfast rule), it is not surprising to find me barefoot. I suppose in my dreams my barefoot life would take place on the beach. Said dream life would contain cocktails, tanning oil, and naps. Speaking of cocktails... that's how one gets in the following situation...


PREGNANT:
again, perhaps not a surprise for some. "oh you're having a boy! what a perfect family: one of each!" Puke. I was REALLY not planning on being in this predicament. But then sweet Jane gives me a hug or says something really cute like, "Yeah, I do that" (in response to some type of "good job")... She's pretty confident... Then I remember how amazing creating and mothering a whole person can be.... :) I could use this open space of my blog to complain about the size, uncomfort, or timing of this pregnancy, but you - my dear reader - are likely to be as unsympathetic as my doctor and husband. Really, these last 30 weeks have gone pretty fast and full.


KITCHEN:
my old roommates Katie & Erin will attest to my affinity for baking. It's really the only thing I know how to do: follow directions! I love the consistency of baking. I have never mastered the whole curiosity of cooking meat (how do you know it is done?). Give me pasta, popcorn, and BAKING :) Although I could probably bake a ton of different things, I am pretty boring. In fact, I am thinking of three things I know how to make. I'll bet you could leave a comment and guess which three things those are. Or at the very least, the #1 item I bake.



Good luck guessing. And if you are a member of my family, attended my store's anniversary sale, or ever ate at an event I potlucked (is that a word?) ... there will be no guessing involved.



I have a prize for the first one to guess my top 3 baking dishes.
(so leave your address in comments, too).
iTunes gift card, people.



Feeling citrusy,
Stacey

Tuesday TOP TEN: Summer Came, Summer Went

Today's top ten brought to you by...

the Bi-Polar Weather!

1. We Cheathams are totally unaffected by bi-polar-ness, so I have totally accepted the summer/winter/summer/fall/summer/winter June-August weather as normal.

2. But on this day, the weather was just beautiful. Clear skies. Very slight breeze.

3. Let's run through the sprinklers!

4. So we invited Olivia over after an early nap.

5. Yes, it was warm enough in Salinas, CA to eat a popsicle! Amazing! (actually, those are classic Otter Pops if you must know).

6. Even I got into my bikini to catch the tempermental sun. (**note** absolutely NO more bikini photos nor bikini public appearances post 8/10/10 Dr appt when I had gained 8 pounds in 4 weeks - that's 2#/week, for those of you who can't do math! NOT a great ratio, btw.)

7. Olivia ran around. Burned up some good energy.

8. Jane ran around. Burned up some good energy.

9. The beautiful sun stayed out for the whole of the two hours we were outside. Two hours of summer. Who could ask for more?

10. Well, we could ask. But, who knows where that will get us. During a "summer" full of winter, this true summery afternoon was well taken advantage of.

Sigh,

Stacey